2006: Cream of the Crap

year in, year out, we are graced with wonderful music that most of the time satisfies our desires and expectations. this list here not necessarily denounces these albums as crap, but to yours truly, they really are crap. they serve as nothing more than HDD space wasters, and in yours truly's standards, they should not be downloaded or purchased at all costs. unless you are the hardcore fan or simply someone who wants to fill up his playlist (which, i admit, am). on with the show.

DJ Shadow - The Outsider

Shadow cuts down the eerie samples and chocks his third LP full of shit rappers. rappers that sound like all the other rappers out there. apparently they gots the street cred, yo. street cred is duh shit, yo. widdout them street cred, your CD ain't got no shit, yo. it'll be just, shit yo. Shadow obviously has writer's block, just like that guy from the Prodigy (Liam whatever...) and simply chucks in rappers to cover up for his shortcomings.

The Flaming Lips - At War With the Mystics

who are the Mystics, anyway? are they critics that breathe down the Lip's necks while they attempt to write Soft Bulletin II or Yoshimi Part II? this isn't so much as crap, but more of a disappointment. and a huge one at that. not as charming as Yoshimi, full of fillers, and definitely not psychedelic enough. maybe they should pack Mystics with some kinda 'listening experience' enhancer drugs to add some punch into the listen.

Hawthorne Heights - If Only You Were Lonely

screamo metal nearly got licked in the balls, but thankfully we've seen a handful of genre-expanding releases to save screamo metal from being, well, licked in the balls. HH didn't really help much. they stuck to the formula, and executed it decently. like screamo metal veterans. too bad for them this album still sucks. a bit too repetitive, predictable, whiny... the whole package that caused the downfall of screamo metal.

Keane - Under the Iron Sea

i tried to like this album. i did. but i got swept away by the iron currents of the iron sea. rofl. they pretty much dug their own grave when they decided to not break up and come out with a pathetic excuse of a sophomore album. it sounds just like its predecessor. only less charming. and still the same. oh, break up already.

Lostprophets - Liberation Transmission

somewhere in my room lies the new Lostprophets CD still untouched and unplayed. dare i pop it into the player after hearing such atrocity on mp3? i probably will never listen to this album again, ever. it sounds just like any other post-grunge, nu-metal shit like Nickelback, Hinder, Breaking Benjamin, and all he whatever bands that sing about failed relationships and dropping riffs like shitting cement trucks. there goes $35 down the hatch. what a great purchase.

My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade

Dear Gerard Way, i am the unborn bastard child of Freddy Mercury. my papa is quite mad at you guys for ripping, no, for even drawing inspiration from his band. he feels quite itchy right now and might just do the Dawn of the Dead thing and also that Brokeback Mountain thing on your ass. enjoy your AIDS.

Paris Hilton - s/t

not only is she in your hidden porn folder, she's also in your DVD collection, in your paparazzi magazine collections you wank off to, and on your wall, which you might also jack off to, she's now in your mp3 folder and maybe in your CD collection! she's everywhere! she has practically conquered the world! maybe they should send her to the moon next. she could carve her name on the moon right next to Chairface Chippendale's. yay Paris!

Midlake - The Trials of Van Occupanther

now, ALL the indie fanboys will spam my inbox if they saw this. what may have been an indie masterpiece is nothing but pure trifle and boringness sprinkled with mediocrity. to think i queued up for hours to get this damn album! although Roscoe was a sleeper hit which was pretty decent, the rest of the album is light years away from Roscoe's glory and superiority. indie fanboys, you should appreciate that fact that the Crane Wife isn't on this list.

The Mars Volta - Amputechture

what's an amputechture? how do you even pronounce that?? and what the fuck is that on the cover??? to release albums every year, and PROG albums at that, is quite a feat, i must admit. but how much prog must an album be before it is considered prog? it the level is not quite there, i'm afraid it qualifies as crap. the guys have lost their steam, releasing three albums in three years straight. take a break, smoke all that pot and come back with a motherfucking huge masterpiece. we know you can do it!

Liars - Drum's Not Dead

it took only TWO tracks for me to stop listening. only TWO. i don't know what to make of this walrus shit. and i thought Lordi was bad. i think the dudes at Pitchfork are smoking too much low quality shit. how the hell do you call this corpse stench Best New Music?! i know, i know. it's all about the 'avant-garde'. hell, i don't even know what avant-garde means. lets take a look, shall we?

avant-garde;

–noun

1.	the advance group in any field, esp. in the visual, literary, or musical arts, whose works are characterized chiefly by unorthodox and experimental methods.

–adjective

2.	of or pertaining to the experimental treatment of artistic, musical, or literary material.

3.	belonging to the avant-garde: an avant-garde composer.

4.	unorthodox or daring; radical.

whatever man, you deserve my shit of honour, baby!